Father’s Day! The day we show appreciation for our fathers, is here again. A day set aside to honour all the men (husbands, brothers, sons, uncles, cousins etc) in our lives when “honoring” is not an easy thing to do, for some of these people.
For me, I can only honour my immediate family for the support they have provided me in my time of need. In the African culture, where extended family members matter, I cannot, for the life of me, pick one extended family member that I can honour today. I can only say a prayer that God gives them the strength to move on and live better lives.
As I sat here in my bed, on this particular father’s day,looking for inspiration to write this post. I started reading other people’s stories about their dads. My inspiration came from the post below by somebody called Paige. She had experienced probably similar to what I had as a child with her father.
I was married and had my children before I understood my dad and the reasons he had for his strict upbringing of my siblings and I. Please enjoy her story.
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I was well into my 30s when I learned to love my dad for who he is; not for who I thought he should be. He’s always been a good man – a hard worker, volunteer, churchgoer, encourager. But growing up, I thought I needed more from him – more hugs, more tenderness, more lets-sit-down-and-talk-about-our-feelings. I was angry, compared him to others, blamed some of my life choices on my perception that he wasn’t “there” enough.
But the truth is, God knew long before we showed up on this earth that we’d be family. He knew that my dad’s strengths and struggles would come together with my own to create a relationship, and it would be a journey, and if we allowed it (which we have!) He would use those things to grow us more and more into the people He created us to be.
Through the years, I’ve come to realize that my Dad did the best he could with what he had at the time as a father. And I’ve discovered how deeply he cares for me (quirks and all!) even if he shows it in different ways than I do. In fact, today I can truly say that he is one of my very best friends.
There are all kinds of fathers, and yours may be a whole different story. But there is one thing they all share: No matter what their personalities, gifts, struggles, circumstances… every one of them is called to live God’s way. And when they do, their families are blessed, communities are strengthened, and a ripple effect of goodness happens in the world.
Our Heavenly Father has much to say about fatherhood:
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. Psalm 103:13 NIV
When our fathers show compassion, they give us a glimpse into the heart of God. Strong — yet tender, deeply understanding, fiercely loyal, and always ready to help us through the toughest of times.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 NIV
Bringing up a child with healthy boundaries and godly discipline is no easy task. But even in the most frustrating moments, a loving father is called to be like Jesus – standing firm in the truth, yet grace-filled; never critical and demanding.
The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them. Proverbs 20:7 NIV
The actions of a father speak volumes to his children. Even if they can’t articulate it when they’re young, they’re watching and learning. And even if they won’t admit it when they’re older, there’s a strong pull to follow in his footsteps. When a father chooses the right path, his family is blessed.
He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents… Malachi 4:6 NIV
A father’s deep affection offers a sense of security and assurance that nothing else can give. The heart of a child is beautifully designed to respond to that love; it’s a connection strong enough to last a lifetime.
As you reflect on God’s Word about fathers, what thoughts come to mind about your dad or father figure? Maybe he’s been a great example of service to others; perhaps he spent time with you as a child, helping you learn to navigate life or he showed a spirit of grace in a moment when you just knew he’d had it with you.
We all know that no earthly father is perfect, but we can choose to focus on their life-giving ways and trust that God is always working to bring out the very best in them. (Philippians 1:6)
The men in our lives need to be lifted up, to be reminded that we are strengthened by their presence, that we see the love of our Heavenly Father reflected in theirs, that we honour who they are and who – by His grace – they are becoming. Paige
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After reading this post, I thought about my father and all that he had done to raise us up. My dad wasn’t an easy man to get along with, growing up but now I see the lessons he was trying to teach us. That’s when I realised that he really loved us and the only way he knew how to keep us safe was to bring us up in a strict way in order to dissuade us from going astray. We did not disappoint him. We are an example to other families how united children should be.
10 years ago, when I was diagnosed with kidney disease after my miscarriage, my dad was devastated to hear the news. He would always call to speak to me even when I didn’t call them because I couldn’t listen to my mum crying. He would ask my siblings if they had spoken to me even when he just spoke to me the day before. Prompting them to always remember to call and support me.
I knew he and my mum were worried about me and whilst I felt I was closer to my mum, it was my dad who always called. You see my mum’s mobile phone is a landline; when we call her, her phone just rings out because she never takes her phone out from under her pillow LOL. All phone calls to both of them goes through my dad.
So when my dad calls, my mum is in the background, adding her quota to the conversation LOL. My dad was always encouraging me with these words “Be courageous and Strong”. This was his mantra each time he called. I took strength from those words and I think in a way, I was stronger for it. I could mentally be courageous when bad news came through.
My dad was first in line when he heard that I could get a kidney from the family. He wept when he learnt he wasn’t a match because he couldn’t imagine me going through all the pain of dialysis. It made me love him even more.
When I got the call this year for a transplant, my older sister told them it had been successful. She said my dad fell on his knees, crying and thanking God for answering their prayers. I didn’t know they had been on tenterhooks because of the uncertainty of my condition. I can only imagine the fear and worry they must have had in their hearts all this while; considering we were losing family members and friends to this dreaded silent killer.
From another post, I saw this inspiration and have modified it to suit the principles my dad taught us. I have passed this on to my children. So When I think about the lessons my father taught me over the years, I see a pattern of principles.
- Be strong and Courageous.He didn’t talk about doing that; he just demonstrated it. Your personal feelings about circumstances are not usually an indicator that it’s time to quit.
- Be faithful and prayerful to God. Church services were non-negotiable. Everyone in our family knew we were going if the doors were open. You could never escape going to church. It’s still the same today.
As I sit here in my bed writing this post, I haven’t forgotten one person who has been in the background supporting quietly. My husband! On this providential father’s day, I will like to thank my husband especially, who has been by my side all these years. We have been married for 18 years and I have been ill for 10. He didn’t know this was going to happen but has given his support regardless. It hasn’t always been easy but every marriage has its ups and downs but despite all that, he has been by my side, all the way through. I might not always express my thanks and gratitude but today, on Father’s day, I want to express my gratitude for his continued support over the years.
To every woman reading this post, I will like you to join me in prayer for all the men in our lives. Let’s profess God’s guidance and blessings in their lives as we pray:
Dear God,
Thank you for all the fathers and father-figures in this world and for the many ways you use them to lovingly guide others to Your heart. We ask that you would bless them and give them great joy and peace. May they see You and know You in new ways. Show them how much you love them and care about them. Guide their steps, use their hands, and make them a blessing to others as you continue to fulfill your special purpose for their lives.
Amen.
Happy Fathers’ Day
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