International Picnic Day

Today is international picnic day and as a kidney disease survivor, it’s a good time to try to rebuild those relationships that fizzled out whilst on dialysis. During our dialysis hiatus, despite all the good intentions, the sympathy wears thin.  The phone calls and visits start to peter out and people start to drift away. This also happens with spouses or partners, who try for a while but cannot support the constant hospital visits or the noisy machines, (especially if they share a room with the patient), the patient finds themselves alone. It is a reality we all had to face and still face today.

However, you received the call and got a transplant. Now, it’s time to build those relationships up again, if you’re so inclined or build new relationships with new friends.

I hope these tips would give you some ideas on how to build those relationships again. Here are 6 fun ways to spend time with friends – rediscover or rebuild your relationships.

Go for a picnic – You could contact your friends and invite them to a picnic. It might be wise, as you are getting to know each other again, to organise a quiet picnic with your friends might help to break the ice as you get to know each other again. Do ask them when they are free so you’re not left with a lot of food. Waiting for friends to turn up, when they’re not really free, can make you feel that nobody really cares. This can throw someone who’s been struggling on their own for a while, right back into depression. Do ensure that you pick healthy options in food and drinks though. As a transplant patient, you do still have to ensure you’re careful to eat and drink healthy.

Organise a girls’ night meeting at your house or a friend’s – In order for this to be work, you would still have to ensure that all your friends are available to meet. You will also have to check with your friend, if you’re using her house. If it’s at your house, you would need to think about what arrangements you need to put in place, to make the evening successful. Depending on how long you have been out of contact, you have to make allowances for awkward silences. If you have any one of them who you’ve been in contact with more frequently, you might want to ask for their help in covering those silences.

Book a table at a restaurant – This might be a better option because it will be a noisy environment. It’s usually better for certain groups and you can just make polite conversation until you all feel comfortable again with each other. Usually, after a bottle or two of wine, all inhibitions are thrown out the window. They will come round and you will see that things haven’t changed but life that’s made contact difficult. Mind you, whilst they’re imbuing the wine, please drink in moderation. Remember you have to look after your ‘new gift’. Enjoy getting to know your friends again.

Go clubbing but watch the alcohol – A good way to quickly break the ice is to invite your friends out to the club, if you all used to enjoy doing this. The ambiance in the club will help break that ice between you very quickly. Join in on the dance floor, be careful with the alcohol though. Dance with your friends and let your hair down. I usually will get tired with such strenuous activity so would need to sit down to recover my strength. Do check with your doctor it’s okay to go clubbing and find out how much alcohol you can drink.

 Book a weekend away or Spa weekend – As previously mentioned, ensure that your friends are free on the weekend you’re looking to book the weekend away or Spa weekend. You can ask if anyone wants to book the weekend or they’re happy for you to make all the arrangements. One thing I believe is that people do not remain the same but change all the time.

I think going through dialysis and transplant for 10 years, I know, personally, that I’ve changed. I have changed so much that I don’t know how it will affect my relationships. At the same time, I believe if I have changed, everyone around me, has too including my friends. I will have to start learning how to interact with people again. Now, when I go to parties, I won’t be thinking about leaving early for home, to get on my dialysis machine. Do not give up on friends and family, they will be happy you’re better and will want to help you get back to some normalcy.

Watch a film together at the cinema or in your home – This might be suitable if you’re going to watch a chic flick. Do ask your friends if they’re interested in going to watch a film and a meal afterwards. Ensure everyone is happy to watch one that you can all discuss over the meal. This makes for a nice icebreaker. If the film is in your house, ensure the film is one that someone in your group has seen already. The cinema might be your best option because you can go for a meal afterwards. The atmosphere around will allow for you and your friends to talk about the film, surroundings and interesting people.

You will need to give them some leeway. People get embarrassed or defensive that they hadn’t kept in touch with you and might feel uncomfortable. Relax and enjoy getting to know your friends again, don’t worry about anything else. Just let it flow. I’m looking to rediscovering my relationships both at work and at home. I have missed a lot of things and looking to get myself back to where I was previously. I have kept to myself a lot because I was always tired and sickly and my various hospital appointments didn’t help matters.

Always remember that in rediscovering yourself and your new friendships, there will always be the new friends you made in the Kidney Support Groups you joined. I really depend on their advice, support and encouragement. They have been there to explain when I see something or hear something I don’t understand.

Remember that everyone both old and new friends are happy for you!